I Don't Want to Think About It

I don't want to write about the shootings yesterday at the Table Mesa King Soopers.  I don't want to think about how we were in that neighborhood yesterday morning delivering for Meals on Wheels and how we didn't stop in the store to pick up anything, which we often have.  I don't want to think about how Paul has PT for his back right around the corner from the store and how he often stops in there for snacks or food before catching the bus home.   Everyone stops in that King Sooper.  Pretty much everyone we know here goes there often.  Any of us could be dead now, gunned down by a sick person with an AR-15.

I don't want to think about all the shootings this country has had in past few decades, and how Colorado has had more than its share.  Will the word "Boulder" go down in memory the way the Columbine has, or Aurora?   Instead of our beautiful Flatirons, fantastic Open Space, and unusual combination of a vibrant economy and a laid back outdoor vibe, will Boulder forever be associated with a hideous  massacre?    I don't want to think about all the names my loved city now joins.  

I don't want to think about all the other mass shootings in America, about how gun money drives our politicians, about how people I know and love argue for continued access to assault weapons, about how the NRA celebrated and crowed when Boulder's ban on assault weapons was overturned by a state judge recently, or about how "This is unacceptable" is the weak response whenever there's yet another mass shooting.  I don't want to debate the pros and cons and ins and outs of gun control.  

I don't want to think about the victims.  I don't want to hear that Suzanne Fountain was active in local theater, that Denny Stong loved model planes, and that Eric Talley had seven children. 

I don't want to think about it any of this; I just want these killings to stop!  

It pisses me off that nothing has changed.  And it depresses me to think that nothing probably will.  

Thank you to everyone who contacted me yesterday after hearing the terrible news.  I really appreciate your reaching out to see that we are safe and to check in on how we're doing.   Every mass shooting makes me feel sad and upset, but to have one so close to us is just shocking and frightening.  The "Boulder Bubble" really burst yesterday.  

The Boulder Chamber of Commerce lit the Flagstaff Star, a symbol of hope and endurance, last night and will keep it lit for ten nights to honor the ten victims.   I was very touched to see it.