It Wasn't My Idea

Becoming a mother wasn't my idea. Becoming a father was Ben's idea, and that would be easier all the way around if I became a mother.

I always thought the being a mother would be too much work, and work that would interfere -- no, let's be honest, not interfere, but stop --all the creative and challenging things I loved to do. Like earning two master's degrees, renovating a house, devoting myself to an interesting career, enjoying my husband, designing quilts, spending time with my wonderful nieces and nephew. So I did all those things instead of having children and I was happy.

But after twenty years of marriage Ben said that he wanted to be a father. At first I said no and Ben tried to live with that answer. Gradually the idea took hold in my heart and when Ben decided that he really needed this experience in his life, I was ready to say yes. We promised to work as a team so that becoming parents would enlarge our world rather than shrink it. We prepared to adopt a little girl from Russia and I was amazed at how I could feel my heart softening and enlarging as I thought of her. And then fate intervened and Stefanie put Paul in our arms and my heart just burst open. At the age that most mothers are contemplating an empty nest, I was up in the middle of the rocking and feeding a little boy who surely was the most wonderful baby ever born.

Now, almost nine years later, I see my worries about losing my old life were for naught. It's true that even with our great teamwork, Ben and I have reduced the time we've spent on some of our "pre-child" activities. I retired from my consuming job and don't spend weekends at quilt retreats any more. But the other truth is that it doesn't matter. I keep enough of my own pleasures to avoid feeling like just "Paul's Mom" but I happily choose to spend a great deal of time with my entertaining and interesting son. One big advantage of being an older mom is that I know that the twelve years or so that Paul wants me in his world in a big way will fly by and that (God willing) there will be plenty of time in the future to focus on my own pursuits.

Yes, I knew being a mother was a lot of work. What I didn't know was that it would so fun and enjoyable.

Becoming a mother wasn't my idea, but it sure turned out to be a good one!

Wishing all the mothers in my life a wonderful Mother's Day weekend!