Colorado: Family and Friends

When we go to Colorado, we always see Paul's birth mother, Stefanie, and her family. We visited with them this trip as well, and really enjoyed our time together. Stefanie had some tough breaks when she was younger, but now is an accomplished and responsible adult. We are thrilled that she loves Paul and that he loves her. Here they are together; don't they look alike? It's so amazing how Paul looks like me and Ben but also looks like Stefanie.


Stefanie has a son who is now fifteen, and Paul was quite excited to see him again. We saw him play several basketball games, which was fun, and shared a few meals, which gave Paul the chance to show his brother all his games on the IPad.


We've known Stefanie's parents for a long time. Ben rock climbed with Stefanie's Dad back when he lived in the East and Stefanie's Mom and I sometimes kept each other company on climbing trips, watching her children together while the guys climbed. Once, when Stefanie was two years old and we were all on a climbing trip together, I broke my tailbone while sliding down a big slide at a kid's park with Stefanie. This was one of the few serious injuries related to any of Ben's climbing trips and was quite memorable!

I really like Stefanie's parents and am proud that he is related to them. Here they are together at Kate's wedding.


Stefanie has three sisters, two of which have children of their own. Here's Paul with some of his birth cousins at the family lunch we shared right before we flew home.


As Ben says, there is no protocol that handles our relationship with Stefanie and her family. We just do what feels right, knowing that Paul will be well-served as an adult by keeping in touch with his birth family as he grows up.

It helps, we all agree, that we live far away and our visits are therefore quite deliberate; neither we nor Stefanie need worry that one of us will pop up unannounced at the local grocery store or wherever, when an impromptu visit might be awkward.

It also helps that there is mutual appreciation and respect between our two families. This and that fact that everyone is busy with their own families and pursuits eliminates any meddling that sometimes is a worry to adoptive parents as they consider an "open" adoption.

Ben and I knew from the start that sharing Paul with his birth family was the right thing for him, for Stefanie and her family, and for us. On top of being eternally grateful to Stefanie for entrusting her precious baby to us and giving us the rich experience of parenting him, we are grateful to her and her family for including him in their hearts.